What Happens in Walmart, Stays in Walmart
by Fatal Error
Summary: The cast of Death Note is unleashed upon the world of retail sale. Based on a very random roleplay. Rated T for mild to strong language general crack and suggestive situationsxShounenai in later chapters. Almost all characters will eventually appear.
1. Welcome to Walmart!

**Summary:** The Death Note cast takes a trip to everyone's favorite retail store, random crack ensues. Based off of a (very)random roleplay. :3

**Rating:** T, for language, suggestive situations+some shounen-ai(In future chapters), and general crack.

**A/N:** This is my first fanfic, so I apologize if it isn't up to par. But hopefully it will make some of you laugh at least a little.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any Death Note characters(or Wal-Mart) I just kidnapped them and unleashed them upon the world of retail sale.

* * *

Matt drove the car through the Wal-Mart parking lot, keeping his eyes peeled for an empty spot. It seemed that the retail store was always crowded. 

"Remind me why we're here again?" came a quiet, monotone voice from the backseat.

Matt looked into the rear view mirror at Near who was sitting with one leg pulled to his chest, and his finger twirling his unnaturally white hair.

"We're just stopping for a minute, Silent Hill 5 came out today, and I'll die if I don't get a copy before they're sold out."

Near shrugged, he personally hated sitting in the back seat but Mello had called shotgun, and when Near protested, Mello really did pull out his shotgun.

"You will not die!" Mello sneered through bites of his chocolate bar.

Matt rolled his eyes, "But _you_ will die if you don't get more chocolate, right?"

Near snickered mentally, of course he wouldn't laugh out loud.

"Don't even joke about things like that!" Mello hissed. He'd never actually been without chocolate, for all he knew he _would _die. Or at least go through some kind of crazy withdrawal, neither of which he wished to experience.

"I still don't understand why my presence is required." Came Near's voice again, a little louder this time.

Matt sighed; he really didn't understand himself why the almost albino boy had to come.  
"Your friend Gevanni said you needed to take part in more social activities."

Near mentally rolled his eyes, _what a pain_, though he did sort of appreciate Gevanni's concern for his well-being.

Of the three in the car, Matt was the only one who had ever actually been to Wal-Mart, and unlike Near, Mello seemed thoroughly intrigued.

"So you said they have lots of different types of chocolate, right?" Mello inquired as Matt pulled into a parking spot that was a decent walking distance from the entrance.

"Yup, any kind you could possibly want." The blond beamed and shoved the last bit of chocolate into his mouth.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Mello pulled on the door handle, and kicked the car door open.

"Ah, Mello! Be careful of my car, please." Matt called after Mello who was already halfway to the entrance.

"He certainly walks quickly." Near stated as he carefully slid out of the back seat.

"Yeah..." Matt strode in Mello's direction, with Near close at his heals.  
"Near, I am going to go after Mello and make sure he doesn't kill any of the employees, or worse, get hit on."  
Near nodded, it was a good idea to keep an eye on the chocolate addict, especially in such a public place.

-

_Metal detectors?_ Mello looked angrily at the safety precaution before him. _There is no way I am going through a fucking metal detector!_  
Security was tight at these kind of places now, and there was no way they were going to let a guy in all leather, combat boots, and black sunglasses through without any hassle.

"Excuse me sir," said the security guard surveying the incoming customers, "I am going to have to ask you to step through please, there are other customers waiting to get in."_  
_

_ Shit_, Mello cursed inwardly, he wasn't expecting this.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever" He mumbled, stepping through the metal detector. _Bleep_,_ bleep_,_ bleeeep_! Mello winced at the sound._  
_

_ Shit. Shit, shit, shit_!

The security guard took out his wand and began running it down the side of Mello's body. _Bleep_! It sounded right beside Mello's left pocket.

"Could you please empty your pocket sir?" Said the guard.

Mello groaned and reluctantly withdrew a pistol from _inside_ of his leather pants, and handed it to the burly man.

The guards eyes widened and his voice turned very gruff, "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to come with me."

Matt was nowhere in sight, and Mello knew if he resisted now there was a 99 percent probability of him being arrested.  
Sighing he grimaced and mumbled a "Yes officer" as he followed the guard to a door next to the Return Counter labeled 'Security Office'.

-

Matt and Near stepped through the entrance and approached the metal detector.

"That's odd.." Matt propped his goggles atop his head, eyes scanning through the throng of customers, but Mello was nowhere in sight.

Near absently twirled his hair around his finger. "Perhaps he's already gone to find his chocolate?"

Matt thought a moment, then nodded. "You're probably right, he's not very patient when it comes to chocolate."

Near blinked, "He's not very patient when it comes to anything really."

Matt grinned, "You've got that right."

The two stepped through the metal detector, Matt first, then Near. When the machine stayed silent, they continued into the store.

"I'll be back in electronics, you have your cell phone right?"

Near reached his hand into the pocket of his pajama pants and felt the shape of the cellphone inside.  
"Yes."

Matt nodded. "Good, I'll find Mello when I'm done, and we'll all meet back here in an hour, okay?" Near nodded in agreement, and they both headed off in their own directions, Matt for the electronics department, and Near for the drink isle. He was getting rather thirsty, and he didn't want to risk becoming dehydrated.

-

Near scanned the drink labels, Cola? _no_. Root beer? _Nah_. He wasn't a big fan of soda, and he wasn't in the mood for water, so the logical thing to do was ask one of the employees their recommendation.

"Excuse me, miss?" Near said to a squat brunette employee, who was stocking the shelf next to him.  
She turned so that the big 'how may I help you?' on the back of her vest was facing away from him, and he could see that her name tag read 'Donna'.

"Excuse me Miss Donna."

The girl looked at him and grinned. "Aw, aren't you a cute little boy! How can I help you Hun?"

Near remained expressionless, "Actually Miss, I am 18, but that is beside the point. May I ask your preference of these drinks? I am rather thirsty but I do not possess the proper data to conclude my decision."

Donna's grin grew wider. "Aww, even the way you talk is precious! Well Hun, I personally enjoy the Red Bull."  
Donna pointed to a can on the shelf, Near peered at the can quizzically."What does it taste like?" He inquired.  
"Well..." Donna started. "Have you ever played 'Need for Speed'?"  
Near searched his memory for the phrase, 'Need for Speed' was a video game where the players raced cars against each other, he'd seen Matt completely massacre Mello at the game before.

"No, Ma'am, I've never played 'Need for Speed'. But I do thoroughly enjoy playing with Hot Wheels."  
Donna 'awwww'ed at him again. "That's too cute! Don't worry, I'm sure you'll like it, sweetie."

Well, the employees were the best source of information for these types of things, so Near decided to trust her judgment. He cautiously reached for the can and cradled it in his arms like a baby, walking slowly to the self-checkout.

"Please scan your item." Said the fake voice of a woman through the checkout screen.

Near scanned the can.

"Do you have any coupons?" She asked.

Near pressed 'No'.

"Please insert your cash and touch 'Payment Complete' when finished."

Near stuck a five dollar bill into the machine, which promptly gobbled it up. He pressed the 'Payment Complete' button and the change came rolling out from under the coin slot as the fake woman urged Near not to forget his bills and receipt. The white haired boy shoved the change and bills into his pocket, and opened the can of Red Bull.

"Well, I hope she was right about the taste." He mumbled, and took a quick swig. Suddenly his arms began to tingle and his eyes felt like they were going to pop out of their sockets. A grin slowly crept onto his face, gradually growing wider, and he caught himself giggling slightly. Before he knew it he was more then just giggling, he was full out laughing. He'd never felt so giddy in his entire life. The feeling of mirth spread throughout his entire body, along with a new sensation. It was..._hunger_? Yes, he was hungry! No, not hungry, _starving_!

"I-I-I, I must find something to eat!" The grin on his face grew until it was verging on the point of scary, turning on his heal, he dashed madly back to the food isle, thoroughly enjoying whatever exactly this feeling was that he was experiencing.

-

Matt scanned the rows of video games, the new games were always placed next to the consoles, this he had learned from many years of video game purchases. Much to his friend's disbelief, he didn't pirate all the video games he owned.  
His eyes stopped on the prize he'd been searching for. Silent Hill 5. And only one copy left!  
His mouth began to water at the sight of its perfection, exquisitely fitted in a skin of shrink wrap. It was almost too good to be true.

(Wait, doesn't something bad always happen in a story when someone thinks 'its almost too good to be true'?)

The red-head was reaching out a gloved hand to cradle his precious video game, when a smaller set of fingers snatched it from the shelf.  
A little black haired boy in a red shirt and denim jeans smiled triumphantly.

"Mommy, mommy! I got it! The last one tooo!" The small boy called to his mother, who was browsing the CD section in the category of country music.

"That's great, dear." She called back.

Matt knew that his jaw had dropped open, but he couldn't find the strength to shut his mouth. This boy, this _little brat_, the kid couldn't be more than 7 years old, and his mother was letting him buy an M rated game? Not just _a _M rated game, _Matt's_ M rated game! The game he'd been waiting an entire year for! He was going to get that game, he didn't care how, but he was.

Once he'd broken free of his thoughts, he found that the boy had already scampered off somewhere. Matt frantically looked around, his eyes caught a flicker of red disappearing in the direction of the check-out. Quickly, he took off after it "Hey, kid!" He called after him, "Hey kid, wait!"

* * *

Well, I hope you guys liked it, obviously you will tell me if you didn't and crush my fragile heart...but hopefully you will express the former, not the latter. If all goes well, the next chapter will bring Light, L, and Misa. :) 

**Edit:** I've reformatted this chapter for easier reading. : 3

Fatal Error


	2. No shirt, No shoes, No service!

**Summary:**The Death Note cast takes a trip to everyone's favorite retail store, random crack ensues. Based off of a (very)random roleplay. :3  
** This Chapter:** Welcome L, Light and Misa to the world of Wal-Mart! Unfortunately L is having a slight problem when it comes to the rules of conduct.

**Rating:** Rated T for mild to strong language, suggestive situations+some shounen-ai(In future chapters), and general crack.

**A/N:** Not as funny as the previous chapter in my opinion, but I wanted to keep them all as in character as possible. It will get much crackier later on, trust me...

**Disclaimer:** I still do not own any Death Note characters, and please don't sue me Wal-Mart!

* * *

Misa ran into the store ahead of the other two boys, giggling in an almost annoyingly high-pitched voice. She stopped in front of a poster for a newly released chick flick that she had been rambling about earlier in the car, claming that Light just _had_ to see it! 

Light, however, was not as giddy as Misa to be in the retail capitol of the world. In all realty, the fact that Ryuzaki had underhandedly deceived him into coming to Wal-Mart without Light finding out was pissing him off, more so than even just being there.

_I will get back at you…_He swore inwardly.

Light turned to the source of his misery and feigned honest curiosity. "Ryuzaki, why did you drag us with you to Wal-Mart?"

L bit the tip of his thumb, turning his gaze upward as he thought, after several seconds he returned his eyes to Light and grinned innocently.  
"Because Light-Kun, K-Mart is closed for remodeling."

Light could feel the anger beginning to turn his cheeks a faint pink.  
"That isn't what I meant and you know it." Light chided.

"In any case, Watari won't be back to pick us up for at least an hour, so I advise you try to enjoy yourself while we are here." L urged.

Now Light was _really_ agitated, "Ryuzaki, I don't see why you can't just have Watari pick up your sweets for you, in all honesty it-"

"7 percent." L cut in.

"What?" Light blinked.

"The probability that you are Kira has just gone up 7 percent."

Light tried to remain calm. "Ryuzaki, I don't see how not wanting to be at Wal-Mart can raise your suspicion of my being Kira."

L smiled triumphantly. "It really is logical Light-Kun! You feel threatened, right? Kira wishes to someday have all of the population follow him in his new world order, the rise of his kingdom can be likened to an independently owned business endeavor! And what is a more threatening competitor to independent business than the largest corporately established company in the world? Kira is obviously threatened by Wal-Marts superior power and sway over the population of America!"  
He grinned, entirely satisfied with his logic.

_Something hard, I need something hard to bang my head against_.  
"Wow, Ryuzaki, you've definitely got me there…" He tried to keep his sarcasm hidden but it still managed to make the words sound condescending.

L nodded. "Well Light-Kun, it seems Misa-san has run off, and since you have obviously never been to Wal-Mart before I will guide you to your merchandise of choice!"

_Oh great, lucky me_.

-

They began walking further into the store, but were abruptly stopped by a new security officer. This time it was a female officer, tall with thick brown hair pulled back into a pony tale.

"Sir, I'm sorry but you can't come in here like that."

L frowned. "I'm afraid I don't understand."

The security guard pointed to a sign plastered on the door that read in large annoyingly red print, 'NO shirt NO shoes No service!'

Light's face lit up. "I'm sorry Ryuzaki, I guess we will have to call Watari to pick us up." _Yes!_

L looked down at his naked toes and thought for a moment.  
A hopeful smile snuck onto his face. "Don't worry Light-Kun, Misa-San has her cell phone!"

_Oh dear god…_

L pulled a cell phone out of his pocket; he hit number 4 for Misa's speed dial, and dangled the phone between his index finger and thumb next to his ear.

"Hey Ryuzaki!" Came the voice from the other line,"Oh, wait, I was just with you a minute ago, why are you calling me? Oh no, you don't have a crush on me do you? I'm sorry Ryuzaki but I've already pledged my love to Light an-"

"Misa-san," L cut her off mid-ramble, "I need you to do me a _big_ favor, so please listen _very_ carefully."

"Don't worry! I am a great listener. My friends tell me all the time that I am one of the best listeners ever, I also give great advice and-"  
"Good." L wasn't convinced. "Misa, I need you to go to the shoe department."

Misa gasped excitedly, "Oh, I am already there! They have the cutest pair of sandals here, with little blue rhinestones-"

L cut her off once again, "Misa-san, listen. Do you see the tennis shoes?"

There was a slight pause on the other end of the line, and then she answered,  
"Yes, I see them."

Perhaps Misa could actually be of help to him.  
"Misa-san, could you please purchase a pair of size 11 tennis shoes and bring them back to the entrance immediately? Naturally, I will pay you back."

Misa's voice came through the other line as a loud high-pitched squeak, "Of course, Misa is always glad to be of help!"  
She hung up abruptly, and L put the cell phone back in his pocket.

"The shoe department isn't that far away, it shouldn't take her too long to get back."  
Light nodded; maybe Misa wasn't as dim as he thought she was, she at least took direction well.

-

Misa put her cell phone into the pocket of her denim skirt and crossed her arms.  
"He said tennis shoes, but I don't see any in size 11." She pondered, scanning over the shoe sizes at the bottom left corner of each box.

There was a cute looking boy in the uniform Wal-Mart employee vest stacking shoeboxes nearby. He was tan and slender, with a mop of dirty blond hair framing his face.

"I wonder if he can help me" she thought aloud. "Excuse me, sir?"

The boy looked up at her and blushed, he couldn't have been older then 18, fresh Wal-Mart blood.

"Y-yes ma'am, may I help you?" He gulped and tried not to let his gaze go below her face.

"If you would please, Misa is having trouble finding tennis shoes in size 11 for her friend."

The boy looked back to his stack of boxes, the blush fading a bit from his cheeks.  
"I'm afraid we don't have any left in size 11."

"Oh" Misa frowned, "Well how about Nikes?"

The boy shook his head.

"Adidas?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, but almost everything in size 11 is on back order."

Misa thought for a moment. "Oh!" A small flicker of hope lit her face. "You said 'almost', right? That means you have _something_ in size 11!"

The boy stopped stacking the shoe boxes and turned to look at her again, an un-easy expression crossed his face. "Well, we have one, but I don't know if you'll-."

Misa clapped her hands together excitedly. "That's wonderful! I'll take them!"

-

"It's taking Misa longer than I thought with your shoes." Light mused,

"You should have more faith in your girlfriend" L teased. "Oh, is that her there?"

Before Light could answer, Misa was staring up at L triumphantly.  
"Operation 'buy Ryuzaki's shoes' was a success!"

"Was it now.." L questioned.

"Yep! I got size 11, just like you told me!"

L smiled at her "Good job Misa-san!"

Misa threw L a peace sign and handed him the blue bag.

L peered inside.  
"Misa-san…."

"Yes?" Misa answered.

"These are not tennis shoes."

Misa's Crest smile turned into a sour pout.  
"I know Ryuzaki, but everything in size 11 was on back order! I know they aren't what you're used to, but just give them a try, pleeeease? You might like them!"

L sighed and gave in; reaching into the bag he took out the brown box and opened it.  
He slowly peeled back the tissue paper revealing a brand new pair of white and black Heelys.

-

Misa had gone to look at make-up, leaving Light alone again with L, but at least they were actually in the store now.

"Light-kun, do you see? Aren't these wonderful? This invention is truely amazing!"

L looked as giddy as a kid in a candy shop, Light was mentally slapping himself, and Misa as well.

L spun in a circle on the heel of his new shoes, and started rolling toward Light.

"Light-kun, look, aren't they genius? I-"

Light finally looked at the estatic Ryuzaki, only too see he was grinning dopily with his eyes closed, and heading in a direct B-line straight for him.

"Ryuzaki, watch where you're going!"

The warning came too late. Light and L were now both lying in a heap on the floor.

"Oof!" Light was pinned under the detective, but to his surprise L wasn't as heavy as he'd expected. Not that he took the time to calculate how heavy L would be exactly if Light ever ended up underneath him. (Wait, that came out wrong…)

"Light-Kun, are you okay?"

Light groaned and tried to move his arm which was pinned underneath L's left knee.

"I will be as soon as you get off of me." Light said pointedly,

"Oh right." L apologized. The two got up and brushed themselves off; Light straightened the tie on his school uniform, and picked up his back-pack.

"L you should really watch where you're going, this is a public place."

L blinked at him, and apologized again. "I'm sorry Light-kun, but I will make it up to you! I promised to help you through the store remember? So Light-kun, where would you like to go?"

Well, Light decided, as long as he was here, he mine as well make the most of it.

"Office supplies, I need to buy some pens."

_Lots of pens_.

Maybe Wal-Mart really was a threat to Kira.

* * *

**Thank you to all the nice people who reviewed:3  
Like I said, not as funny as the last chapter, but don't worry, it will get better later on. Oh, and just for the record I loathe Heelys with the entire core of my being. Sorry if you own a pair, but I see little kids in the dance studio rolling around on them and I can't help but notice that they look completely ridiculous! ..But enough of my Heely-rant. Next chapter will pick-up on Matt, Mello, and Near again, and a little bit of 'slightly awkward'...-evil grin-**

Fatal Error


	3. Licked, Hugged, and Stripped

**Summary:**The Death Note cast takes a trip to everyone's favorite retail store, random crack ensues. Based off of a (very)random roleplay. :3  
** This Chapter:** Near has gone completely insane due to his caffiene intake, and thus decides to take on one of the worlds greatest challenges. Matt is still looking for the caper of his video game but runs into a small problem along the way. Mello patronizes the security guards and ends up in an even worse predicament.

**Rating:** Rated T for mild to strong language, suggestive situations+some shounen-ai, and general crack.

**A/N: **I changed the way certain _-cough-_ procedures are carried out because, well it is Wal-Mart and I didn't want to make it too terribly mortifying for poor Mello. And Near isn't ooc, he is just drunk on caffiene. You really aren't supposed to have energy drinks when you are that small...

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the Death Note characters, or Wal-Mart, but I do own a copy of Silent hill... Yey!

* * *

Near hid behind a protruding end-cap in the frozen food isle, surrounded by a dieter's worst nightmare. Chips Ahoy, Oreos, Skittles, Pixie Sticks, Cheeze spray, Doritos, Fruit Snacks, anything and everything he could possibly snatch off the shelves lay in a heap on the floor before him, alongside one empty can of Red Bull. It was like a rainbow of assorted snacks. 

His hands shook as he sprayed a hefty amount of whipped cream into his mouth, all the while giggling like a giddy school girl.  
"How do you like me now Whip Cream? Huh?! You think you're so cool, while the Cool Whip is cooler! And you just got had by a fucking genius!"

He giggled harder, sending spurts of whipped cream out of his mouth and all over the linoleum floor. Clumsily he tore open a box of gushers and emptied one of the packets into his whip cream coated mouth. The sugary combination of thick cherry liquid inside orange flavored fruit snacks sent his taste buds into a temporary state of nirvana, he couldn't contain the urge to laugh at the strange tingling sensation on his tongue "Yeah baby, I can taste it! I can taste the blast!" He squealed, thoroughly enjoying this new discovery that was junk food. The white haired boy grabbed at a box of Oreos, emptied them onto the floor, and started stacking them in a square around himself. "Iwill builda pyramid inmy honor." He slurred, _"I will be pharaoh of the Oreos!"_

Near laughed maniacally as he stacked the Oreos higher and higher around his small body. Several dozen empty Oreo boxes were strewn haphazardly around his junk-food sanctuary. Another box, another row. The tower was growing quickly, now almost 3 feet in height, and he had no intention of stopping anytime soon, or at least that's what he'd planned on.

Just as Near was opening a new box of Oreos to add to his pyramid, a small boy in a red shirt and denim jeans clutching a video game tightly to his chest walked passed, licking a lollipop and counting.

_Psch, what's his problem? Is he mentally unstable? _Near wondered._  
_

"Hey kid!" The white-haired boy called after him.

"Nnhh?" The younger boy turned to look at Near.

"Yeah, you. Why are you counting?"

The boy's eyes sparkled as he took in the sight of the massive Oreo pyramid, completely ignoring Near's question.

"Omigod! That is soo awesome! How did you stack those Oreos so high without them falling over?!"

Near twirled his hair and grunted, "Because I'm a genius, and I'm awesome. Now why were you counting just now?"

The boy grinned, "Oh this?" He gestured to the red Tootsie Pop in his hand "I'm trying to find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop."

The older boy smirked thoughtfully, "So it's like a game? Well I will find out the answer before you do!"

Near cackled, digging through his pile of junk food for the hand-full of Tootsie Pops he'd snatched earlier. He picked out a blue one and threw the rest at his feet. Quickly unwrapping the paper surrounding the candy, he attacked the sugar coated sugar with his pink tongue. "1….2….3…" _Chomp_!

What? He couldn't recall sending any type of brain signal to his teeth telling them to bite. And as far as he was concerned he had full control over the muscle activity in his jaw...Right?

"Why?! Why did I bite it?" Near was shocked by the sudden involuntary action of his own mouth.

The little boy blinked at him. "Well it is really hard, you have to be really, really patient!" He spoke as if he were a very experienced Tootsie Pop licker.

_Damn you patience!_ Near cursed.

"Well, you know what Tootsie Pop? I will defeat you! That's right, surrender to me! Surrender and beg for mercy from your imminent doom!! Heh heh heh!" Near stared down at the slightly bitten Tootsie Pop as if it _really would_ cower under his scrutinizing gaze.

The younger boy threw his fist in the air, "That's right sheep-kid! You can do it!!" He proceeded to give Near an encouraging thumbs up.

"Ethan? Ethan!" Came a woman's voice from the next isle.

"Oh, snap! I gotta go!" The little boy darted down the isle and disappeared around the corner.

Near shrugged and ripped open another Tootsie Pop, (this time orange). The candy seemed to glare up at him _"You'll never do it Near, the world will never know!"_ It mentally taunted him. The pale boy stared at the candy defiantly. "Just watch me!" He shouted confidently, and restarted his licking game. "1….2….3….."

--------

"Where did that little brat go?" Matt muttered, maneuvering his way through the crowd of people, and just nearly knocking over a small rack of $5.00 DVDs in the process.

He stopped, just to make sure none of the cheap movies were actually going to fall off the rack. When he was satisfied that the DVD's would in fact be remaining stationary on the shelf he took another step forward and...

_Thump!_

Matt felt something hard ram against his leg.

"What the-?"

The gamer looked down to see a small girl staggering to stand up. He was about to ask if she was okay when a pair of slender arms wrapped themselves tightly around his leg. Two big blue eyes peered up at him from underneath thick blonde bangs. The rest of her hair was pulled up into two long ponytales on the sides of her head, which barely brushed the shoulders of her purple sun dress.

Shocked, and slightly unsure of what to do in this awkward type of situation, Matt waited for a minute to see if her clinging was just some kind of reflex. Several minutes passed and sure enough there was still a little blonde girl attached to his pant leg, obviously it was something else. But he was wasting his time just staring at her, and if he didn't get her off his leg soon, it was extremely likely that the renegade 7 year-old would manage to leave the store with his game. Sighing, he decided to ask the most logical and obvious question he could think of.

"Umm, are you okay?"

The little girl's lip began to quiver, and within seconds she was bawling hysterically, completely soaking the side of Matt's cargo pants. Matt tensed up, which only caused her to squeeze his leg harder.

_Great, just great._

He'd never been good with kids, that kind of thing took responsibility, effort, commitment, and a whole lot of other crap Matt didn't care to waste his time on. But he'd never thought that just looking at a kid could make it cry, well, maybe in Mello's case, but all he did was ask if she was okay!

"Er, um…" Matt started.

"I can't find my mommy!" The little girl sobbed.

_Alright, how do you make a bawling lost kids stop crying?_  
He tried to think logically, which was surprisingly hard to do when there was a random little girl wiping her snot on his pants._  
Okay think._ _I guess..comfort them and take them to customer service to paige their parents?_  
There was no way Matt was going to take the time to do all that shit when there was a little boy somewhere in the store running around with _his_ game.

_Okay, stop the crying first. How about I sweet talk her? It works on grown girls...Or is that only when you are breaking up with them?  
_

"It's okay Sw-" He choked on the last word. Unfortunately for him, endearing terms had involuntarily become permanently blocked from Matt's vocabulary ever since the psychopathic chocolate addict had recently started living in his apartment. The main cause for his mental blockage being the one time a teasing _'honey'_ slipped out, which resulted in a not so welcome black eye and bloody nose. For Christ's sake, he was kidding! I mean what was he supposed to say? _'Hey Porn Star, have you seen my DS?' _Somehow he couldn't imagine that one going over very well. Either way he was screwed, but back to the problem at hand or, uh, leg.

_Let's skip that, I'll just ask her name, and where she last saw her parents…If worse comes to worse and I can't find them, I can always just dump her onto one of the employees._

"Well, why don't you tell me your name and where you last saw your mom?" Matt tried to make his voice sound soothing.

The little girl sniffled and choked, but finally manage a small, "My name is Anna." As she choked back another sob. "I don't know where..she was going to buy me crayons…" Anna hugged Matt's leg tighter.

_Okay, crayons? Her mom is probably in one of the isles of office supplies.._

Matt pried the little girl off his leg and took her hand.

"I'm going to take you to your mom okay?"

Anna wiped her wet face with her arm and nodded.

The two walked passed several shelves full of miscellaneous kitchen gadgets, and turned left at a furniture display before finally arriving at the Office Supplies.

A tall slender woman with long brown hair, aged probably in her late twenties, was standing in front of the binder display, eyes searching frantically through the crowd of people. Judging by her facial expression, Matt could only assume this was the mother of 'lost crying child'. Anna let go of Matt's hand and ran to the woman, latching onto her leg, much like she had done to Matt earlier.

_Level: Cleared!_ He gloated at his success.

Anna waved back to Matt. He raised a gloved hand in recognition.

_Oh well, how heartwarming…or something…_

Now to find his video game, and oh great, dealing with more little kids.

--------

"Sit over there, remove any other items from your pockets and set them on the table." The officer ordered, pointing to a chair across from the door of the cramped little office.

Mello sauntered over to the black padded chair the officer had gestured to, sprawling on it lazily. But no further items came out of his pants.There were several more chairs like the one he was dominating set on the other side of the room by the wall. Three of which were occupied by security guards who were sitting idly, making chit chat until they were needed. There was also a telephone mounted by the door, most likely for emergency purposes. The small table was currently acting as the middleman between the guard and himself. Mello's eyes followed the officer as he paced back and forth, probably trying to decide the offenders fate. Finally he stopped to lean over the table and stare at the blonde boy cynically.

"So what's your name kid?" the guard inquired.

_Oh, an interrogation…Yipee._

Mello rapped his fingers rhythmically on the table, partially because he was bored, but mostly because it made the guards eye twitch.

"It's Mello."

The officer raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Mello, eh? That's an odd name."

Mello grunted, he'd been taught all his life to play close attention to detail, and he just so happened to notice the guards name tag back at the entrance. He stopped his fingers from their patterned dance over the table.

"So is Shirly." Mello grinned, "Isn't that a girl's name?"

There was no need for Mello's annoying tapping at that point, the officer was twitching even more then he had been moments before. He flushed and slammed his palms against the table, leaning his face in close to Mello's.

"Listen Mello, either you can cooperate with me right here, or you can deal with the prison guards later. Got it?" Though he wasn't actually sure weather he could send the boy to prison or not.

He shrugged, still grinning.

"Good." Shirly took a small note pad and pen out of his pocket, flipping the notepad open he jotted down something quickly, then looked back to Mello.

"So Mello, where are you from?"

Mello pulled a chocolate bar out of his pocket, unwrapped the foil and took a large bite.

"Los Angeles." He said through over-exaggerated chews.

It took a minute for the officer to process the information, but after a moments pause he started writing in his note pad again.

"Los Angeles you say? Aren't you a little far from home?" Shirly inquired.

"2780.81 miles." Mello widened his devil grin, and took another chunk off his chocolate bar.

If the guard hadn't noticed the candy earlier, he certainly did now. Mello was at least making a pretty big show out of spiting the officer.

"Did you just take that out of your pocket?" Shirly growled.

Mello feigned a thoughtful expression, "Hmm, it sure looks like it, doesn't it?" He said sarcastically.

"That's it," The guard spat. "I've tried to be nice to you, but if you aren't going to cooperate I have no other choice. This is your last warning, either empty your pockets or I will be forced to do things the hard way!"

The chocolate lover reached into his pocket, pulling out another chocolate bar. No response whatsoever.

"That's it!"  
Shirly turned to the other three guards, who were still in deep conversation about last nights football game.

"Alex, Nathan, David, quite yapping and get over here! Bring that sheet with you too!"

The blonde continued chewing his chocolate apathetically, but was interrupted by said balled up sheet being thrown at his head, his well-sharpened reflexes however aided him in grabbing it before it could do any damage to his perfectly styled hair.

"What's this for?" Mello's face went blank for a minute as he blinked, but his trademark smirk reappeared almost as quickly as it had vanished. "Are you gonna smother me to death or something?" He put his hands around his neck, mock-choking himself

"No!" Shirly heaved. Now his entire face was beginning to twitch.

The other three guards continued to join Shirly in making a small circle around the skinny blonde.

"Now take your pants off." Shirly commanded

Mello laughed obnoxiously, "Kinky. Matt didn't say they raped people at Wal-Mart."

Shirly had just about enough of the unreasonable youth, and if he hadn't been on duty, nothing would have made him happier then to give the kid a good punch in the face. Though it really wasn't a good idea to be thinking violent thoughts considering his line of work.

But still the frustration overtook his features, "For gods-sake, we are _NOT _going to rape you; we're going to strip-search you to make sure you aren't hiding anymore weapons!!!"

He was playing on the man's last nerve, and he knew it. And he also knew how to do it well.

"In that case, could you please tell your friend to get his hands off my ass?" Mello said pointedly.

Shirly looked behind Mello to see the guard who'd been standing across from himself quickly thrust his hands into his pockets.

"Alex, what the hell are you doing?!" Shirly was about ready to smother _himself_ with the damn sheet.

"I-uh was patting him down, sir!" Alex stammered.

Shirly slapped his forehead. Where on earth did these people come from?! "Alex, why don't you go monitor the entrance?"

"R-right, sir! I'm on it!" Alex clumsily tripped on his way out the door.

Mello snickered.

"Mello, I am not going to tell you again, please remove your clothing, or we will do it for you."

"Fine!" Mello growled. He angrily wrapped the sheet around his groin, sporting it skirt-style. Kicking off his combat boots he unlaced his skin-tight leather pants and let them drop to his ankles, boxers and all. He then proceeded to unzip his leather vest, and throw it in a heap at his feet with the rest of his attire.

"Holy-!" Shirly couldn't finish his sentence. Tangled up in the heap of clothing was a Swiss army knife, a lock picking kit, a lighter, a thin black cellphone, a miniature can of Tag, a medium sized black leather wallet, several packs of chewing gum and 4 or 5 chocolate bars.

"How the hell did you fit all that into your pants?!" The guard rasped.

Mello sat back down on the chair and grinned. "Talent."

Nathan picked up the tangle of clothing and withdrew the army knife from the folds of the leather vest.

He whistled as he examined the fine piece of workmanship. "These are made exclusively for marines. I don't even think they sell these to the public. Are you in the army?" Nathan looked from the knife to Mello.

Mello smirked. Mafia, Army, same difference, right?

"Isn't it illegal to strip-search a Marine?" The blonde mused. It was just a damn good thing he'd pilfered the knife while he was still in the Mafia.

Shirly thought for a moment, he really wasn't sure. _Was_ it illegal to strip search a Marine? There was no way he could have gotten the knife without being a soldier. This was definitely _not_ in the job description for a Wal-Mart security guard. _Okay, which would get me in more trouble, being sued for strip searching a soldier, or releasing a guy that could probably get away with lugging around a nuclear warhead in his pants? Okay, maybe not a Nuclear warhead, but at least a cherry bomb or something..._

"Alright, look-" Shirly started, but was abruptly interrupted by an annoyingly shrill voice over the intercom. "Would the following security guards please come to the frozen foods isle; Shirly Smith, Nathan Leir, David Kent, Roy Rodgers, and Joseph Hess. I repeat, please come to the frozen foods isle _immediatel_y."

Shirly turned back to Mello and grunted, "Okay listen, how about we confiscate this stuff and I'll just..I don't know let you off with a warning or something..." Under these circumstances Shirly decided to avoid a possible lawsuit, and mental breakdown on his part.

Mello grinned, _I win_.

The security guards rushed out the door to lend aid to whatever possible problem might be unfolding in the frozen foods isle, leaving Mello to gloat about his victory…which was very short lived.

_Oh shit._

They'd confiscated his things and...

They accidentally took his clothes.

* * *

Thank you again for all the nice reviews :) 

Don't hit me! I know that isn't normal procedure for a strip search, but a conventional strip search would've demanded a higher rating than T in my opinon. -.-; , and it_ is_ Wal-Mart after all. Also if you're thinking "It was way too easy to convince that security guard to let him go.." Again, we are talking Wal-Mart here, these aren't trained NYPD officers if you know what I mean. -wink- Also there was hints of Matt/Mello in this chapter so if you are groaning and mumbling "Will it go away?" see the warning up at the top? Yeah, _that_ one. ;)  
Ah well, next chapter we will rejoin L, Light and the pens :3  
(cannot wait to write Mikami in)**  
**

Fatal Error


	4. Problems, Pens, and Imaginary Friends

**Summary:**The Death Note cast takes a trip to everyone's favorite retail store, random crack ensues. Based off of a (very)random roleplay. :3  
** This Chapter:** L believes Light has an addiction problem, Light becomes careless and accidentally loses something very important.

**Rating:** Rated T for mild to strong language, suggestive situations+some shounen-ai, and general crack.

**A/N: **I hope you guys are enjoying reading this as much as I am enjoying writing it. Sometimes I wonder if I've crossed the funny line into just plain stupidity. Then I stop to think about it...And I honestly don't care. :3

**Disclaimer:** Nope, I don't own any of the Death Note characters, nor do I own Wal-Mart, I do have a strawberry scented pen though, it writes in pretty pink ink and everything...

* * *

L chewed absently on his thumb as Light compared the different pen brands. The wall was completely packed with writing utensils and Light was at a stand-still as to which brand of pen would prove to be most durable when he went off into one of his dramatic killing sprees. 

He eyed a black ball point, extra firm grip.

Taking said pen off the shelf he began closely examining its barrel. The barrel was key when it came to comfort and support for long hours of dishing out justice. The last thing you want when in the midst of a killing escapade is a hand cramp.

Ryuzaki observed how meticulously Light was examining his pens, he'd decided long ago that Light was either an overly extreme obsessive compulsive when it came to details, or seriously lacking in the mental health department. Not that L had any room to talk, but in his opinion he was perfectly normal.

"Light-Kun," L prodded, "Why are you studying those pens so intently?"

Light let out an agitated sigh, wasn't L the one who said he should make the most out of his time here?

He thought about his answer for a moment, then replied. "Well, Ryuzaki, don't you like to spend time and pick out just the perfect sweet to eat? You won't just grab one off the shelf and decide you like it before you've tried it, right?"

L nodded in understanding. "I get it Light-Kun…Pens are like sweets. So they are like your addiction?"

What? Honestly he couldn't be hearing things right, did Ryuzaki just call him a _pen addict_?

"Ryuzaki," Light sighed, "I am _not_ addicted to pens."

L waved a chastising finger at the other boy.

"Light-kun, accepting that you have a problem is the first step to recovery!"

He tried to keep his cool, but his blood was beginning to boil, L was honestly driving him off the deep end, or maybe…just maybe…he was in denial?!

Ryuzaki suddenly had an idea. The detective scanned over the many different pens until his dark eyes met with the perfect set. He reached up and grabbed them off the shelf, handing one to Light and keeping the rest of the pack tucked under his arm.

"Ryuzaki….why are you giving me a Twinkie scented pen?" Light questioned as he stared blankly at the yellow inked pen in his hand, for once he actually had no earthly idea what was going through the detectives head.

"Light-kun, write on my arm with that pen, please."

Light's eyes bugged, did Ryuzaki just tell him to write on his arm with a Twinkie scented pen? _Honestly, does he have brain damage?!_

"I am not going to write on your arm with that pen…" Light said sternly.

The raven haired boy smiled triumphantly, "Well then you really are an addict! You see, if you really didn't care what type of pen you used, you would have just written on my arm. But due to the cheapness and poor quality of the pen you refused to do so."

Light tried desperately to resist the urge to take the pen and shove it into his eye.

"Just because I won't use yellow colored ink, or a pen that smells like Twinkies incarnate, it does _not_ mean I have an addiction problem."

L patted Light's shoulder comfortingly. "It's okay Light-Kun, just because you have a problem doesn't mean we can't still be friends."

"For gods-sake, I do not have a pen problem!" Light seethed.

"Now calm down Light-Kun, anger won't solve anything, you need professional help." L nodded slowly for emphasis.

Oh dear god, what he needed was to get the hell out of Wal-Mart!

Light was about to unleash his plea of pen addict innocence on L when he noticed the other boy had begun to chew on the end of one of the scented pens.

"Ryuzaki, what are you doing? We haven't even paid for those yet!" Light scolded.

The other boy just smiled and continued chewing on the pen. "Light-kun, it says it is strawberry flavored, but it doesn't taste like strawberries at all!"

For a genius, L sure didn't know much about proper pen procedure.

"Oh no, don't tell me you cracked the back..."

He didn't need L to answer him; there was a huge river of pink ink spilling all over L's white shirt, and the floor as well.

"Ryuzaki, get that pen out of your mouth now! You are going to get ink poisoning! Plus you are making a complete mess all over yourself!"

L surveyed the puddle of pink ink decorating the front of his shirt. "I have made a mess, haven't I?" he observed.

Light sighed, reached down and unzipped his backpack. He was almost certain he had a handkerchief or something in there that he could use to try and clean up the messy floor and even messier detective.

_Ah, there it is._ He unzipped the pocket where he kept his Death Note, and pulled out a pack of Wet Ones. He then attempted to de-pink the ink-covered detective.

"Honestly Ryuzaki, I swear..." He muttered.

--------

Light was preoccupied with cleaning up L's mess, so it was no surprise that he'd failed to notice when another set of customers entered the same isle.

"Anna sweetie, why don't you pick out a new notebook, you've completely filled the pages of your old one with stories about Frank." The brunette woman said to the little girl clutching her hand.

"Okay mommy!" Anna replied cheerily.

Her mother let go of her hand for a brief second so she could examine a purple binder that she'd been looking for.

Anna peaked over at the note books; they seemed to be out of every single style except for two. The girl stuck her tongue out as she looked at the options in front of her. It was either Spiderman or some kind of weird looking Pokemon-thing. Neither of which she could reach anyway, they were both placed too high up on the shelf.

Disgusted by the lack of choices, Anna was beginning to back up in order to get a better view of the entire shelf when she tripped over something. She fell over someone's backpack in the middle of the isle, and it sounded as if something had fallen out, but there didn't seem to be any sign of a loose item. Then she saw it. A cute little black notebook sitting face down on the floor. It was prefect! Quickly scooping it into her arms, she picked herself up off the floor and ran back to her mother.

--------

Light picked up his backpack to put the Wet Ones away once he'd gotten all the ink off the floor, and most of the pink off L. "Honestly, I can't look away for two minutes without you.-" He had his hand in the pocket he'd taken the Wet Ones from, but...No it couldn't be. His Death Note wasn't there?! But he'd just felt it when he took the wipes out.

"I hope that little girl is okay…" L mused.

Light felt his heartbeat quicken as he looked at L who was now chewing on a different scented pen.

"What little girl? What do you mean?" Light questioned hastily.

L cocked his head and looked at Light quizzically. "You didn't see her? She tripped over your backpack. You sort of left it in the middle of the isle…"

Oh. Hell. No.

Light couldn't believe it, was there really some little girl running around with his Death Note? Oh no, what if she wrote a name in it? Or worse, destroyed it! Light was panicking despite himself. _Okay, okay, calm down. I have to get the Death Note back without L noticing._

"Ryuzaki…" Light said.

"Yes Light-Kun?"

"I uh, I need to use the bathroom." Light lied.

"Oh okay, I too need to alleviate myself as well, I will go with you." L offered.

"Uh no!" Light replied automatically.

L was taken back by Light's sudden haste to deny him bathroom privileges.

"I'd prefer to go alone. I am, uh shy."

"Oh…I see." L nodded, but was still rather confused. Light had been handcuffed to the detective previously for over a month during the Kira investigation without any personal privacy, and now he was suddenly shy? Something here didn't add up.

"Well, uh, I will be right back alright?" Light called to Ryuzaki as he quickly strode out of the isle.

--------

Light found the little girl in the next isle of office supplies sitting on a cleared out portion of a lower shelf, swinging her legs. She seemed to be humming a tune Light found vaguely comparable to Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie", and writing in, yes, his Death Note. Flustered, but not lacking entirely in judgment, Light waited for her mother to turn the corner into the crafts supplies before he approached her.

"Hello sweetie, how are you today?" Light smiled his best _'I am your friend not some crazy, lying, backstabbing, power-hungry delinquent'_ smile.

The girl stopped humming in recognition, but paid him no further attention.

"Aw Hun, it's okay, you don't have to be shy," Light prodded, "That is a very nice note book, where did you get it?"

Again she acknowledged his presence, this time ceasing to swing her legs, but she still refused to look up from her writing.

"Frank told me not to talk to strangers." She mumbled.

"Oh, is that so? Will then I will tell you my name. Then I won't be a stranger." Light paused to see how she'd react, when he saw that she was now looking at him, he continued his introduction. "My name is Light Yagami." Light extended a hand toward the girl, which remained there in the air between him and her for a good 5 minutes before Light finally decided she was _not_ going to shake it. He thrust the rejected hand into his pant pocket.

"Frank says strangers have germs. And germs will eat all of your insides." Anna stated.

"Oh," Light started, "Well isn't Frank pleasant. Is he your daddy?"

Anna looked at Light as if he'd just stepped out of an alien spaceship wearing a goat in a purple sweater around his neck.

She made a face at Light, then laughed. "Frank thinks you are weird."

Light cursed inwardly, he wasn't having a very easy time when it came to winning this disagreeable little girl over. "I think we've established that Frank isn't that fond of me." Light mumbled.

_Hold on_, something in Light's mind clicked suddenly. He'd just introduced himself to the girl now, but she was stating that Frank already had grounds to decide that he was weird? That could only mean that this 'Frank' had been present with both him and the little girl. Light grinned at the conclusion drawn from his superior logic(or ego)_. That's it, an _i_maginary friend. _

Forget all the manipulative cute cuddly talk, lets go with Plan B: guilt-trip her into giving it up. "I don't think that note book belongs to you, you stole it didn't you?" Light scolded.

The girl's blue eyes grew wide, a guilty look crossing her face.

"I didn't really steal it; it was just lying on the floor…" She tried to defend herself.

Light looked at the girl sternly. "But it wasn't yours, so technically it was stealing." And now he suddenly had morals. "That is my note book, so please give it back."

Dejected, the girl looked down at her feet for a few minutes, then reluctantly she handed Light the Death Note.

"Thank You." Light said politely, turning on his heal he made his way out of the isle and around the corner where he took refuge behind a display of cork boards.

When he was sure no one was watching, he began flipping through the pages to make sure the little girl hadn't actually written any names or anything. He stopped when he'd found her (very bad)handwriting, and began to read. '_Frank lukd at me now end his fase lukd hapy. I think he lykt the candy.'_

_Good, she hadn't written any real names in the notebook just some misspelled little girl babble about her imaginary friend and what he looked like after she gave him candy…Wait, what he looked like? His name? Oh no. Can imaginary friends die?! No stop, calm down Light, she said Frank thought you were weird at least 40 seconds after she wrote this. Everything is fine. Except…how am I going to sneak the Death Note passed L? _

_Oh, fuck…_

--------_  
_

The tall dark haired man stepped uneasily through the automatic doors, slowly taking in his strange new surroundings. He'd never been to Wal-Mart before, to be honest he actually would really prefer to use the internet for things like this. But unfortunately he'd heard on the TV that this was a book sold _exclusively_ at Wal-Mart.  
He cautiously walked a few more feet into the store, still unsure of why he was doing this. There were so many _people_ everywhere, and it was so noisy. But when he saw the rack of books, it was like all those present distractions just faded away into nothingness. Speed-walking his way over to the display, he very carefully picked one of the featured books up.  
Mikami pushed his glasses farther up the bridge of his nose, then gently ran his hand over the cover as he read the title aloud.  
_"How to find God in Wal-Mart."_

* * *

Yey! Mikami!!!! 

Well there is chapter 4. Oh, and I totally named "Frank" after "evil bunny Frank" from Donnie Darko since I watched Donnie Dakro before I typed this. I was thinking _"Hmm...What is a good name for an imaginary friend?__ OH, EVIL BUNNY!!!!!"_ Yeah, and I was doing a jazz combination to Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie" about an hour before that so it was still stuck in my head...  
Don't you hate it when all the good notebooks are gone(-cough-blackcamo-cough-) and all that is left are those weird character ones that no one really wants to buy...  
Hey, have any of you ever thought there could be a LightxPen pairing? -awaits someone to start throwing things at her- Yep...Matt/Mello next chapter. :3

**Fatal Error**


	5. Tres Tres Chic

**Summary:**The Death Note cast takes a trip to everyone's favorite retail store, random crack ensues. Based off of a (very)random roleplay. :3  
** This Chapter:** It's 'Matt vs Ethan' in a final showdown for the last copy of Silent Hill 5. Mello is beginning to go through chocolate-withdrawal, and is forced to call Matt for help.

**Rating:** Rated T for mild to strong language, suggestive situations+shounen-ai, and general crack.

**A/N: **Warning: Shounen-ai ahead! Matt is evil! X3 And beware of lots of bad language(As if anyone would be surprised considering that it _is_ Matt and Mello). That aside, I think this is the longest chapter I've written so far, and I hope it was worth it. There is a MattxMello scene at the end which has nothing at all to do with the over-all plot(It's there because I felt like it...), so if you don't like shounen-ai you can probably get away with just skipping the ending.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the Death Note characters, or Wal-Mart, or Pizza Hut, or any of the off-hand products mentioned...

* * *

Now that 'little lost girl' was out of the way, the gamer could finally devote his full attention to catching the little brat who had run off with _his_ game. 

Matt left the office supplies and began walking toward the front checkouts; it was the most logical place, right? When you need to find someone in a store like this it is a total pain in the ass if you have to walk all over the place searching for two hours or so when by default you _know_ they have to come to the front _eventually _to pay for their stuff

Plus he hadn't planned on walking quite so much, and his seven-buckle black Reaper combat boots were protesting a great deal.

Because of the massive store size, being not-so-physically inclined could really take its toll on a guy at Wal-Mart, especially when Matt's idea of exercise was getting up and walking to the refrigerator to grab a beer, or fighting with Mello over the last slice of leftover pizza. The latter of which he always lost at by the way, but only because he pretty much gave up trying after Mello had whipped out his 9 millimeter Browning and shot four holes in Matt's X-Box the last time.

In a competition between food and video games, Soul Calibur was more important than a slice of stuffed crust, extra cheese.

Matt's mouth was beginning to water at the thought of pizza; he could really go for a couple slices of deep dish right about now. Thinking about food also made him curious as to weather or not Mello had found that chocolate he was so ecstatic about earlier. If he did, then the blonde might be in a good mood, meaning Matt could probably get away with swinging by Pizza Hut on the way home.

Finally reaching the front of the store, Matt made a mental note to not make said chocolate addict angry until_ after_ he'd gotten a nice big box of grease and carbs. And now all that was left to do was wait for Silent Hill to come to him.

It wasn't until he'd stopped in front of a magazine rack by one of the checkout counters that he noticed just how much pain the boots were really causing him.

Wincing, he reached down to loosen one of the lower buckles, there must have been a blister forming there, because the left side of his right ankle hurt like…

_Thump!_

De ja vu?

Apparently Matt's leg had become a running-little-kid magnet or something, because sprawled there on the linoleum in front of him was the 'little brat' in the red shirt and denim jeans, lollipop in one hand, Silent Hill in the other.

_Note to self: Cargo pants are polarized._

--------_  
_

_Shit…_

It wasn't exactly the lack of _clothing_ that was pissing Mello off, but they'd taken all of his _important_ possessions, most important being, namely, chocolate. And the fact that he wasn't in control of the current situation wasn't helping. His mind wandered back to the conversation in the car, he could hear Matt's teasing voice in his ear. _"But you will die if you don't get more chocolate, right?" _Death, withdrawal, or chronic fatigue, he didn't want to think about it, he needed chocolate _now_.

Mello stood up from the chair and started pacing.

Chocolate and being in control were basically the religion he lived by, and now he was left chocolateless, clotheless, not to mention _gunless, _and oh great, they took his _wallet_ too. So he was incapable of buying chocolate, and on a less important note, _clothing_, there was that phone he'd seen on the wall by the door, he could make a phone call…

_Well Near is out, there is no way I am going to let that creepy little albino brat see me incapacitated(And or partially nude), not that I have his cell number anyway...Matt is my only other option, though he is such a total jerk-off I doubt he will be any help at all…_

Sauntering over to the telephone, he cautiously pulled it off the receiver, and slowly put the phone to his ear...

"ATTENTION, THE OWNER OF THE RED '97 DODGE CARAVAN, YOU LEFT YOUR LIGHTS ON." A shrill voice reverberated in his eardrum.

Mello jumped back, and by reflex forcefully threw the phone, which was now swinging violently on its cored a little bit too dangerously close to the wall.

_Dammit! It's a fucking intercom!_

He reached down the front of his non-existent pants, to pull out his non-existent gun, and shoot the crap out of the very loud intercom that had just been violating his eardrum.

_Shit…_

Well at least no one happened to see _that._

The blonde glanced around the room again, trying to grasp every detail. There was a swinging door in the back of the small office he hadn't noticed before; it was untastefully painted the same color as the wall.

Completely ignoring the phone that was still swinging, and reminding whoever the heck owned the red caravan to turn their frickin' lights off, Mello walked over to the door and pushed it open an inch to see if there was anything inside that could help in his current situation.

Inside it was what looked like a cramped little storage closet, there were a few mops and buckets by the right-hand corner of the wall, opposite of them a rack of cleaning supplies were giving off the horrible aroma of bleach and disinfectant mixed with a hint of lemony freshness.

Mello wrinkled his nose at the odor, and pushed the door open all the way to go inside.

He walked three steps in, and that was all it took for him to be standing in the center of the room, which was smaller then it had looked. Pivoting toward the door he'd just come through, his eyes searched the front wall.

_Well that's convenient._

Partially covered in paint, and pretty much camouflaged into the wall left of the door frame was a beat up wall-phone.

Mello figured this one must be legitimate, because well, who in their right mind would put an intercom in a storage closet?

One step and he was in front of the phone. Cautiously, and this time a little farther away, he put the phone to his ear. The familiar sound of the dial tone was oddly comforting. Mello quickly punched in Matt's cell number and tapped his fingers against the side of his leg in response to the ringing on the other end.

--------

Matt glared at the little boy with an intensity that would scare most young children and maybe their parents as well.

"Do you need some help?" Matt's voice was cold as ice as he looked down at the boy on the floor.

"No I-" The boy started.

Matt grabbed the boy's wrist and pulled him up as the kid tried desperately to get away, pulling away from Matt's hold and thrashing.

"Hold still you son of a bitch!" Matt spat.

"My name is Ethan, and I am the son of Susie!" The boy growled.

"I don't care what your name is, stop flailing and give me the game!" The red head tried to keep the smaller boy from knocking over every magazine on the rack behind them.

Suddenly, Ethan stopped thrashing and spun around to face Matt, returning the same intense glare, with just a flicker of impish fun dancing in his pupils.

"Lemme go, or I'll say you're trying to kidnap me." The boy said coolly.

"Not a chance, I've been waiting a year for that game and I'm not leaving without it." Grunted the gamer.

"Help!" The little boy yelped in one of those sad scared voices that are so fake they almost make you want to puke, but somehow little kids can just manage to pull them off.

"Someone help, he's trying to-"

Matt let go of the boy's wrist quickly. "Okay, okay, just shut up for a second!"

Damn, this kid was good…but he needed to get that game back. Maybe if he used some sort of bargaining tool?

"Listen kid-" Matt began.

"_Ethan._" The boy rolled his eyes

"Yeah whatever, _Ethan._ How about a trade? I'll give you something, and you give me that game." Matt offered.

Ethan cocked his head and spread his lips into an evil grin, one so full of ill-intent he'd only ever seen it on one other person, his current roommate. But somehow on a boy that small it just looked twenty times as evil.

"What'll ya give me?" Ethan questioned.

Matt thought a moment; he didn't really have much to offer in trade. Well, money, but that was about it.

He reached into his pocket, extracting a crumpled twenty dollar bill. "I'll give you twenty dollars."

Matt extended his hand so the money was within reaching distance of Ethan. He was hoping this was the kind of clueless kid that just might make a trade as stupid as that; a twenty dollar bill for a fifty dollar game.

The little boy crossed his arms and looked up at Matt smugly. "Do you think I'm _stu_-pid? That is the dumbest trade ever!"

Matt felt his face begin to twitch. "Well then what the hell do you want?! I'll give you _anything_!" Frustration overpowered his words.

The boy looked Matt up and down a minute trying to decide if there was anything the older guy had that could possibly be more interesting than Silent Hill 5. Finally, he nodded to himself, satisfied with his decision.

"Your goggles are pretty nifty," The boy said, pointing to the orange tinted eyewear perched on Matt's forehead. "I'll give ya the game if ya gimme those."

It took Matt a minute to get over the shock from the boys request. Of all the things _his goggles_? Should he really give up his goggles in exchange for the game? He _had_ been waiting all year but…

"There's no way in _hell_ I'm giving you my goggles." Matt decided.

"Then there's no way in _heck_ I'm givin' you this game!" Ethan replied

The two just stood there in front of the magazine rack staring each other down for a good five minutes, both waiting for the other to cave. In the end it was Matt who finally broke.

"Fine!" Matt hissed. "I'll give you the fucking goggles!"

Ethan threw a triumphant fist in the air. "Alright!"

Matt yanked the goggles off his head and threw them at the boy, who in turn handed him the game.

_This game had better be fucking genius…_

Ethan giggled. The goggles were now pulled over his eyes and the grin on his face revealed how thoroughly enticed he was by the cool new eyewear. "These things are sweet! Everything looks orange!" The little boy spun around in a slow circle surveying his new orange environment.

Matt clenched his fists, digging his fingernails into the skin of his palms until they began to bleed. It was an attempt to vent the frustration he was feeling over losing one of the only possessions he actually gave a shit about.

"Yeah, yeah," he spat through clenched teeth, "Get lost!"

Ethan made a face, then stuck his tongue out at the older boy. But when Matt pulled one of his fists up to a striking position, the little boy was gone almost instantly.

Sighing, Matt ran his hand over the surface of the video game. He never thought it would take being used as a human tissue, getting who knows how many blisters, and battling an obnoxious 7 year old just to officially call the game _his._

Unfortunately his victory was cut short by a sudden shaking in his pocket. His cellphone was vibrating against the side of his leg and playing an MP3 techno remix of the 'Mortal Kombat' theme. The gamer paused, then reached into his pocket, taking out the spazing phone he glanced at the screen which read 'Unknown Caller'.

_Huh? That's weird, the only people I gave my cell number to were Mello and Near…_

Slightly confused, he flipped the phone open and pressed it to his ear.

"What's up?" Matt asked.

There was a pause on the other line.

"Matt, I need you to do me a favor…"

The red head grinned, it was so like Mello to greet him with an order instead of a friendly salutation.

"Yeah?" Matt wished Mello would hurry up and get on with whatever request he had so he could actually _enjoy _having his game.

"I need you to go and get me five bars of German chocolate, then bring them to the security office and…"

Mello paused.

Matt waited for the other boy to finish his sentence.

"…And?" Matt said finally breaking the silence.

"..And I need you to buy me some clothes too." Mello replied in a perfectly normal tone.

Matt tried to hold in his laughter, at least for the sake of his pizza, but _damn_, this beat pizza by a landslide!

"You want me to _buy you clothes_?" Matt laughed.

"Shut up! I'm not in a situation where I have a choice in the matter, so just cut the crap and do as you're told!" Came Mello's angry voice from the other line. "Just get me something black, or form fitting. Whatever, just hurry up with the chocolate!"

Matt smirked, oh he'd make sure it was form fitting. "Right, five bars of German chocolate, and something black, form fitting, _whatever_. Got it, I'll be right over."

He flipped the phone shut and headed toward the candy isle.

_This will be fun…_

Matt grunted; this might just make up for all the crap he had to go through today. _Maybe_.

--------

Mello was out of the storage closet and back in the office portion of the room, sprawled on the chair again. He'd called Matt a good fifteen minutes ago, and since the red head still wasn't there with his chocolate, it was just aiding in fueling the blonde's already growing agitation. It was a simple enough task, how could Matt _possibly_ screw it up? Actually, this whole ordeal was Matt's fault wasn't it? Mello wouldn't have been in his current predicament if a certain gamer didn't just _have _to have Resident Evil, or was it Mortal Kombat? Mello couldn't even remember what game Matt had been talking his ear off about all through breakfast. It was probably something about zombies, or fighting, or fighting zombies. Maybe aliens and…

Suddenly the door swung open, Matt had pushed against it with his back, his hands were currently full carrying several blue Wal-Mart bags.

"Hey Mello, I got-" Matt stopped talking when he turned and saw Mello, instantly he burst into hysterical laughter.

"Damn! You didn't tell me this was a toga party! I would have come in costume too..." Matt let one of the blue bags hook around his elbow as he covered his mouth with a gloved hand, and tried to catch his breath. He was laughing way too hard.

"Shut up! Just give me the damn chocolate!" Mello ordered.

"Don't you want to put some clothes on first?" Matt said, still choking on another spurt of laughter that was threatening to burst out without warning at any moment.

"No! I want choc-…Oof!"

Mello was interrupted by a blue bag thrust into his hand, and the other boy's hands forcefully pushing him into the storage closet.

"Sorry Mello, no chocolate until you're dressed!" Came Matt's voice from the other side of the door.

The chocolate deprived boy pushed against the swinging door, but the gamer must've been barricading it from the other side, because the damn thing wouldn't budge. Mello pounded his fists hard against his side of the door.

"What the hell Matt?! Let me out!!!" He pounded harder.

Mello could hear Matt's laughing voice coming somewhat muffled from the other side.

"I told you already, _not until you're dressed_!"

_Damn it! I don't have a choice, do I?_

It was times like these Mello wished he'd inherited some more muscular genes, but unfortunately he hadn't, and now he was trapped in a storage closet until he put on whatever was in the blue bag he was holding.

_For the chocolate…_

He finally decided, and reluctantly looked inside the bag.

--------

Matt could hear muffled cursing, mostly about him himself, coming from the other side of the door. But at least that meant the lack of chocolate had finally made Mello cave.

Five minutes later and Matt figured it was safe to remove the four chairs he'd left in front of his side of the door. Slowly, the door opened about an inch, two green eyes peered out angrily through the crack. And without warning the door thrust open, but Matt had been expecting this. He pressed his palms hard against his side of the door, so he and Mello were each pushing hard enough to keep the door at a standstill between the two.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you!" Mello yelled at the door as he tried to force it open by pushing against it with all his body weight.

"You're such a drama queen! Just get over yourself!" Matt called back.

"I look like fucking jail bait!!" Mello's voice cracked.

Matt snorted, trying not to break into another fit of laughter. "You _are_ fucking jail bait! And if you don't calm down, I'm not going to give you any chocolate!"

The force applied to Mello's side of the door was abruptly withdrawn, causing Matt to stumble back for a moment before catching his balance. The gamer quickly walked a little bit farther away before turning back to the door, not quite sure exactly how much Mello was going to flip out at him.

Then the door opened, and out stepped a very angry looking Mello, decked out in a pair of black lace up combat boots, a mid-thigh length denim mini-skirt, and a black corset, complete with lacy cream frills _everywhere_. But the 'bloody murder' look on Mello's face just made Matt think the new attire looked even hotter.

Matt could see Mello's fist shaking from across the room.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" He screamed at the gamer who was now grinning to himself, completely satisfied.

"I was thinking you have nice legs, you should show them off more. But your right, your total lack of chest ruins the shirt." He paused, "You know you really should be grateful, I was really tempted to invest in a cute pair of Hello Kitty underwear." Matt joked. "Do you want your chocolate now?"

The red head held one of the foil wrapped chocolate bars out toward Mello, who was still scowling at him. But just seeing the chocolate in front of him made Mello completely forget the embarrassing apparel he was currently being forced to wear. Mouth watering, the blonde angrily lunged toward the chocolate bar, but before he could snatch it, Matt was grabbing his wrist tightly with his free hand, and pulling Mello toward him.

Wrapping his other arm around the chocolate addicts shoulders so he couldn't escape, Matt pulled him close to his chest and met scowling pink lips with his own, sucking lightly on Mello's lower lip before breaking the kiss and releasing his hold, he then pushed the candy into the blonde's hand.

Mello thrust the non-chocolate occupied fist at Matt's face, which the red head was just barely able to dodge.

"You're an asshole!" Mello shouted, wiping his mouth.

"And you're a prick, so we're even." Matt licked his lips. _I guess 'Asshole' would be more endearing than 'Porn Star'._

If this had happened at any other time, Mello would have beaten the shit out of Matt and 'called it even'. But the lack of chocolate had left him temporarily disoriented. Mello turned his face away and tore open the chocolate bar, biting off a large chunk of his precious candy.

"Fuck you." Mello said through chews.

"In Wal-Mart?" Matt teased.

Mello ignored Matt's joke and this time landed a clean blow to his lower stomach, forcing the red head to double over for a minute.

"Now….we're even…then?" Matt gasped, trying to catch his breath.

Mello's lips curled into his trademark smirk as he ran his hand playfully up the other boys arm.

"You owe me so much fucking chocolate."

* * *

Wow, yeah...I swear I wasn't craving pizza while typing this...seriously. ;) 

And about the Reaper boots, I had a pair and they took FOREVER to put on. It might just be me though, because I am the kind of neurotic person who has to unbuckle all the buckles and rebuckle them instead of just leaving them unbuckled when I take them off so they are easier to slip on. Also they looked a heck of a lot like Matt's boots. o.O I wasn't planning on making this chapter so long, but I sort of wanted to put Matt's game-trade, and Mello's new apparel(Heehee, I wonder what Hal will think?) all in the same chapter so I could move on to some different characters(Don't worry, these two will be back). But next chapter will bring back MisaMisa, Light, Mikami, and -gasp- Takada!(Though honestly, I don't think I will be able to update quite as fast now.) This story seems to be following Murphey's Law entirely. _"Anything that can go wrong in a certain situation will go wrong." _XP Except Matt _did_ get a kiss out of it, so I guess it wasn't entirely bad.  
(Hello Kitty underwear-equals-Inside joke. X3)

**Edit:** Thank you **GoGothGirl** for poitning out the cellphone issue that my beta missed, I apologize deeply for not noticing it sooner. I guess I won't write at 2am again, ne? -.-;

**Fatal Error **


	6. Free Four All

**Summary:**The Death Note cast takes a trip to everyone's favorite retail store, random crack ensues. Based off of a (very)random roleplay. :3  
** This Chapter:** Sparks fly when Misa is confronted by a familiar rival. Teru Mikami finally meets up with Light, but things become a bit 'tangled'.

**Rating:** Rated T for mild to strong language, suggestive situations+shounen-ai, and general crack.

**A/N: **Ahhh, the crack, it buuuuurns!!!!**  
**Blargh, yeah I said I wouldn't write at 2 A.M. again, right? Well...I did. XP So that should explain this chapter...Which I sorta wrote for you-know-who-you-are MikamixLight fanatic. ;)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the Death Note characters, or Wal-Mart, blah blah blah, don't sue...

* * *

Readjusting his glasses once again, Mikami sat on one of the small metal benches by the checkout and opened his newly purchased book. Skipping passed the preface, he began reading the first page aloud to himself. _"Welcome to the journey of finding God in Wal-Mart! Are you excited? Good! Motivation is key! This easy twelve step program will lead you to what you've been soul-searching for all your life! And the best part is, you don't even need to complete all twelve steps!" _Mikami paused to contemplate that last sentence for a moment, then flipped ahead a couple pages. _"Number one; did you try looking in office supplies? God writes the names of all of his children in the great book of life, thus requiring endless amounts of pen ink. Pen refills can be found in the office supplies isle for the everyday low price of only ninety-nine cents each, or four for five dollars! Why don't you save God some cash and cash in on this great deal?" _

Mikami closed the book part way, leaving his finger as a marker for the page he'd stopped at. Well it seemed logical enough. Excitedly, he got up and turned in the direction of housewares.

_All right then, I'll go to office supplies. Don't worry my great Lord Kira, I will find you!_

The lanky man made his way to the office supplies, arriving at the appointed destination several minutes later. He paused, standing in front of the end cap a few moments before slowly peeking inside the isle.

"Kira? Lord Kira are you here?" He whispered.

There was no response.

Teru stepped all the way into the isle, slightly intimidated by the mass of binders on the top of the shelf to the left. The pile looked ready to topple over on an unsuspecting customer at any time, but unfortuantely the only customer in the isle at that point was Mikami. Other than him, it was completely empty.

Hanging his head, he sulked inwardly and looked longingly at the pen refills. Kira wasn't here. But he shouldn't give up hope. After all, there were still eleven more steps!

Mikami flipped the book back open and began reading aloud again.

"_No luck in office supplies? Maybe God needed some alone time. Why don't you try making your presence known? Send God a little prayer, or you could try paging him over the intercom. And while you're at the front, don't miss out on our great deal for soap bars!"_

_The intercom? Of course! God won't just come to me, I need to tell him I am here as his vessel!_

Teru practically sprinted back to the customer service area. When he'd finally arrived, there were several counters, some marked as "layaway" and "returns". Mikami sauntered over to one of the unlabeled check outs which was occupied by a squat brunette woman who was loudly popping her chewing gum.

"Can I help you sir?" The woman asked when a very out of breath Mikami walked up to the desk.

"Yes please," Said Mikami, "I need you to page someone for me."

The woman popped her gum again. "Uh-huh? I'm gonna need a name sir."

"Oh, sorry." Mikami apologized, "Could you please page God or Kira?"

"Godder Kira?" She blinked at him.

"Yes, _God_ or _Kira." _Mikami empathized the words.

"Right," replied the woman, "Godder Kira"

--------

Light had long since left the housewares area, and was now hiding out in the men's apparel section next to a rack of striped Polo's in vibrant assorted colors. He clutched the Death Note close to his chest, a million ideas were running through his head as to how he was going to get rid of the incriminating evidence. Surprisingly, he didn't have to think long before a loud scratchy voice peirced his ears, booming over the loud speaker.

"Attention customers, would Godder Kira please come to customer service to meet your party, Godder Kira please come meet your party. Thank You." There was a loud clicking as the woman, or whomever was speaking, set the intercom's phone down.

_Godder Kira? God. Or. Kira. Oh no…It couldn't be...Mikami?!_

Mikami was the only person Light knew of who actually referred to him as "God". So obviously the person who had paged him must be one and the same. Well, at least it was a convenient way to get rid of the Death Note. Even if the guy did have some kind of weird complex or mad crush on him. Whatever. It was a convenience, so he wasn't going to argue.

Light made a B-line for customer service, and when he'd reached the check out counters sure enough sitting there on one of the waiting benches was Teru Mikami himself, clutching a book in his right hand and humming a familiar sounding hymn. Straightening his crooked tie, Light approached the dark-haired man.

"Mikami, is that you?" Light knew full well it was.

"God?! It _is_ you! You don't know how much I've missed you!!!" Teru grinned.

"Mikami, it's only been a week since I last saw you. What are you doing here anyway?" Light inquired.

Teru stood quickly, and took another step toward light. "Well I saw this product being advertised on TV and just assumed you were behind it, being the omnipotent, omniscient, all-powerful. Only you would have come up with such an elaborate plan to help me find you again!"

"What are you talking about?" Now Light was beginning to become confused, which was happening increasingly today it seemed.

"This book!" Mikami pushed the book toward Light to show him, retracting his arms quickly and clutching the precious treasure close to his chest again.

"Finding God in Wal-Mart? Well...Okay then…" _Jeez, the marketing ploys they use these days, it's sick! _"Listen Teru, I need you to hold onto the Death Note for a little while, okay?"

"Okay!" Mikami replied cheerfully. "Anything for God!"

"Thanks," Light paused, "And for now could you just call me Light?" he added.

Mikami's eyes sparkled as he nodded. Light handed him the Death Note, which he put carefully into his brief case along with his newly purchased _"Finding God In Wal-Mart"_ book. Then out of nowhere, and without any warning, Mikami latched himself onto Light's left arm.

Light looked down at their linked arms. "Mikami What're you-"

"Please God! I've pledged to you my undying devotion, just please, do me one tiny little thing, I understand if you won't. And even if you say no I won't be any less loyal to you as your servant! _But pleas_e..." Mikami pleaded.

Light rolled his eyes, _well if it will get him to shut up for a little while._ "Fine, what is it?"

Mikami opened his briefcase again, rummaging through some papers and folders before extracting a small gold-colored jewelry box. Arms still linked, the black-haired boy practically dragged Light over to the small sunglass rack several feet away. It was the only thing with mirrors, and Teru wanted to see how wonderful the gift he'd worked so hard to pick out for God would look on him.

--------

_Midnight blue, Navy blue, Periwinkle, Persian blue, Powder blue, Prussian blue, Royal blue, Sapphire…_

Misa moved a perfectly manicured finger in unison with her agonizingly large blue eyes as she browsed the most expensive nail polish Wal-Mart had to offer, which just so happened to top off at a whopping five dollars. But even a petite blonde supermodel with access to the best make-up in New York somehow couldn't resist trying something different once in a while.

She moved on passed the blues and reached for an energetic shade of yellow mixed with just a hint of dull green sporting the very creative name "Canary". Misa looked down at the bottle of nail polish in her hand, then lifted it level to her face. She compared the hue with her complexion, musing about what outfit might work well with the color.

While still in the midst of deciding weather her cork wedges would or would not be nicely accentuated by a touch of Canary, Misa's ears suddenly perked. She heard a faint tapping drawing nearer, and she recognized the source immediately. It was a familiar sound to a model like herself, but was probably more foreign than The Prince of Darkness in Abercrombie and Fitch to everyone else in the retail store.

_Click, Click, Click_.

She closed her eyes, searching her memory to correctly place the sound with its counterpart

_Louis Vuitton, thin heal, Vienna Minimalisa High Boots, Snake skin? No, one hundred percent black ostrich leather._

The clicking sound they made on the linoleum floor was unmistakable, and judging by the weight of the sounds, their owner was a woman, Misa guessed about 5'4, maybe around one-hundred pounds? Well enough of her stature, this person had to be extremely high-profile. Misa recalled those particular shoes selling for around forty-five hundred dollars at a showcase she'd attended.

The sounds continued echoing closer, Misa saw a figure turn into the isle out of the corner of her eye. She was wearing, no surprise, Vienna Minimalisa High Boots.

_So I was right... _

The model cocked her head to the left, the owner of the boots had a familiar look, but she just couldn't put her finger on it. She knew they must have met before, but the woman's features were hidden behind dark sunglasses, and short black hair covered the majority of her face.

Miss Vienna Minimalisa stopped in front of the selection of lipstick, Misa was still staring intently, trying to remember who this woman was, or why she seemed so familiar. A whiff of Clive Christian perfume invaded her nostrils, even the scent was familiar, but not in an amiable way. The expensive perfume was oddly noxious, and not at all inviting to her senses. The woman turned her head slightly for a split second before returning it back to the lip stick. She quickly did a double take and slid the sunglasses down the bridge of her nose to get a clear look.

"Misa?" The dark haired woman almost growled.

"Takada?" Misa hissed back._  
_

Misa tried her best to smile politely as she walked over to Takada, but it came out looking more along the lines of a hybrid smirk and scowl. Which is by name a 'Scirk'.

The blonde got along with almost everyone, and rarely ever found a reason to dislike a person, but if she had to admit it there were two things in this world that she absolutely hated; Carbs and Kiyomi Takada. The woman who just so happened to be potential competition for her current 'boyfriend' Light Yagami.

Kiyomi Takada returned Misa's sad excuse for a friendly smile with her own slightly frightening 'I hate you but I am too classy to be rude' grin.

"Wow MisaMisa, It has been a long time hasn't it? The last time I saw you, you were on magazine covers all over Tokyo. It's strange to be meeting you in a place like this…Oh, so why _are _you browsing nail polish in Wal-Mart? Hasn't your career been good to you lately?"  
She accentuated each syllable of 'career' with an edge so hard it could break cement.

Misa continued in her 'polite' facade, but made sure her answer was worded In kind. "Oh, Takada, it's funny you should ask that! I am just on a date with my _boyfriend_ Light. So why are you here?"

Takada scowled, "I'm covering a story about companies that certify their products through animal testing. Most retail stores sell the cheap kind that can't afford to be tested properly." She wanted to add, _but you are the kind of stupid girl who wouldn't know a thing about animal testing, and is probably imagining an Ape in a school somewhere taking a math test! _But her better judgment told her that she was too well-bread to stoop so low as to comment on another's stupidity.

"Oh, I see." Misa replied, "Well it is hard being a model too, you don't know how difficult it is to put on lipstick in a way that is alluring." Misa grabbed a stick off the shelf. Not one to think to far into things, like maybe that she hadn't actually paid for it, she began gliding the stick smoothly over her ruby lips in a perfectly rehearsed manner that was in fact both attractive and looked perfect once applied. Misa smacked her lips in a mock kiss as she smiled sweetly, with very well hidden maliciousness, at Takada.

"Light always tells me my lips are like two perfect pink rose petals."

Takada's eye's narrowed.

_So that's the way she wants to play…_

The dark-haired woman pulled a stick of liquid eyeliner off the shelf and ripped off the cap.

"I learned some tricks from the TV studios as well, like how to make your eyes shine with an intensity that no man, i mean _person_ can look away from."  
Takada drew the eyeliner gracefully across her lower eye-lids, making a line so perfectly shaped it made the dark pupils sparkle with an almost eerie intensity.

"Light told me my eyes are like the depths of the ocean, mysterious and riveting."

The blonde was gagging in her mind.

_Who does this girl think she is?! Light is MY boyfriend! They might have dated back in college but this is now! Someone needs to put her back in her place…_

MisaMisa stepped forward, pretending to try and get a better look at Takada's perfect eye make-up, and purposefully tripped, smearing a line of dark red lipstick all down the front of Takada's designer dress-suite.

"Oops!!! Misa is sooo sorry! I am so clumsy! Please forgive me!"

The look of sheer horror on Takada's face as she looked down at the mess all over her expensive clothing was more than enough to satisfy Misa.

Takada's eyes widened at the horrible stain all over her chest.

_Well if that is how it's gonna be, then this is war!_

The dark haired woman smiled "Oh no it really isn't a problem! I am sure it will come out with a little bleach. Hey that is a pretty blouse you're wearing! What material is that?" Takada took a hold of the others sleeve and felt the brand name material in her fingers.

"It's suede." Said Misa, stepping backward, trying to ward off the unwelcome fingers on her favorite blouse. Takada had been waiting for this exact moment, as Misa stepped back she slid one of her thin heels behind the blondes Wedges. Misa fell clumsily to the floor, with The dark haired woman still holding tight to her sleeve, causing the entire arm to rip off its seem.

"Oh no, I guess that is what happens when you buy cheap clothing. Things just aren't made like they used to be." Her voice was practically _drenched_ in mock sympathy.

Misa stood up and looked sullenly at her now bare arm. Tears began to well in her large eyes, her mouth fell open to speak, but the voice that came out sounded nothing like the happy, cheery MisaMisa that she was just a moment ago.

"I…I _hate_ you!" She screamed, pushing Takada forcefully enough to knock her over, but if she was going down, Misa was going down with her. Takada grabbed onto the front of Misa's blouse, pulling her down so they both hit the floor with a loud _thud!_

"Why you little!" Takada yelled, grabbing a hold of Misa's left wrist with her free hand, she pressed the eyeliner still in her other fist with short loose movements across Misa's forehead. Misa squirmed and jerked, but she couldn't get away.

"What do you think you're doing!" Misa tried to punch Takada off, but she was pushing at a pressure point on the blonde's wrist.

"I'm exposing you for what you are!" Takada said. There was a scratchy messily written 'Bitch' etched across the model's forehead.

The blonde squirmed harder, causing the reporter to lose her grip for a moment. Misa used this chance to grab the hand that was clutching the eyeliner, and twist it behind Takada's back, a little trick she'd learned in a self defense class. The model managed to hold her down long enough to scribble 'whore' across the other womans forehead before Takada could get her arm loose.

Both girls cursed and flailed about on the floor, thrashing and trying to get more makeup drawn across the others face. It was a mess of tangled hair and cheap beauty products.

"Hoe! Light loves _me_!" Spat Takada.

"Slut! He is dating _me_!" Misa shot back.

"He told me I am the only girl worthy of the depths of his devotion!!!" Both girls shouted in unison.

They stopped struggling for a moment and blinked at each other.

"He told you that?" Asked Takada, "_Word for word?" _She released her hold on Misa, and they both stood.

Misa frowned, "And you the same?"

"That bastard…" Takada breathed.

"No that isn't true! Light is the most loving, caring, gentle person Misa knows!" Misa protested.

Takada grunted, "If that is true, then why don't we ask him to which of us he actually met it!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!" Takada stopped the banter. "Where is Light?"

The model looked at her shoes, thinking for a moment, then turned her head back to Takada. "I…don't know…"

"Great, just great!" The reporter growled, "Well then let's start looking"

The black-haired woman sporting the red lipstick graffiti strode angrily out of the make-up isle; with an eyeliner covered blonde close at her heals.

--------

"Open it!" Mikami urged excitedly.

Light held the small jewelry box in his palm and delicately untied the ribbon holding it closed. His fingers searched through the mess of tissue paper until he found whatever it was Mikami had gotten for him. It wrapped around his fingers loosly, perhaps some kind of chain? He pulled it up out of the box, it was actually two chains. Dangling from the bottom of each silver chain was a little jaggedly broken heart. One half was engraved with a "L" the other with a "M".

"You bought me…A 'best friend' charm?" Light almost choked on the words.

"Yes, please say you will wear it? Please?" Teru looked down at the floor, scuffing his shoe against the linoleum.

_This is ridiculous!…but…whatever, if it makes him shut up…_

"Okay…fine, I'll wear it" Light caved.

Mikami grabbed the two necklaces out of Light's hand. "Oh thank you so much! You are truly a compassionate and merciful God! Here I will help!"Teru slung the piece of jewelry around Light's neck, and fastened it in the back When he'd finished, he waited for Light to, in turn, help fasten his. Which Light did eventually do, but reluctantly of course.

"Okay this is how it works…" Mikami took the charm around Light's neck, as well as the charm around his own in his hand. "They fit together perfectly, just like…Oh…" Well, they did fit together perfectly, but it seemed the chains had become tangled somehow in the transition from box to neck. Light tried to untangle himself, but with minimal success. And he couldn't remove the necklace either, it was one of those annoying types of latches that you have to either have un-fastened by someone else, or turn the chain all the way around to un-fasten in the front.

"Hold still for a minute Teru." Light leaned in close, very close to Mikami's face focusing all his mental ability on trying to disjoint himself from the other man.

And it was at this moment that two very angry make-up covered girls strode toward Light and Mikami. Misa's eyes bugged, Takada's mouth dropped. From the back it almost looked like they could have been kissing, but only if you were a current girlfriend, or even a jealous ex-girlfriend. Or in this case, both.

Takada stomped over to Light, grabbing him by the shoulder and turning him around to face her. Luckily he'd just managed to get the two necklaces disconnected, if he hadn't then the sudden jerking movement would have been very painful.

"I can't believe it! All this time you were playing me?! And you were gay too! You are the scum of the-"

Misa jumped in between the two.

"Stop talking to my boyfriend like that! He _loves me_! This must all be a misunderstanding!" The blonde gestured her hand at Light in emphasis.

Mikami snorted. "_You're_ boyfriend? I don't think so! I am Light's most loyal servant!"

Takada turned to Mikami, "Like hell you are!" She spat.

"Well you are both wrong, 'cause MisaMisa is the one Light likes the most!" Misa chimed in.

"Yeah so then why did he give _your_ Death Note to _me_?" Mikami shot back.

"This is so stupid! I am obviously the smartest of all of you, Light loves _me_!" Takada added.

Teru narrowed his eyes, "Right, _you_ are the smartest, that is why 'whore' is written across your forehead in cherry red lipstick!"

The three continued fighting, all trying to speak over each other at once.

Light sighed.

"This is ridiculous, I am going to find L…" The brunette boy said, not that any of the other three were listening, they were still too busy fighting over him. But he didn't care, it would keep all the morons occupied until he could find the insomniac and get out of here.

As Light walked away in search of L, who seemed to be about the sanest person in the world, or at least Wal-Mart right now, he found himself choking back a sudden burst of laughter. Seeing 'bitch' written across Misa's forehead in black eyeliner almost made this day worthwhile. Except that he was still wearing a friendship charm, but he could deal with that later...

* * *

I love Mikami...'Nough said. :P 

Have you ever seen a putting on make-up competition? they are pretty funny...

Wow this was another long chapter...:/ Ack, I dunno. I should really invest some time in actually_ sleeping._ Oh well. Are any of you wondering where L is since the office supplies isle was empty? X3 Well you will have to wait until the next chapter to find out. I believe it will be L, Matsuda, Matt, and Mello? I might throw some more characters in next chapter too, I haven't quite decided. -hides-.

**Fatal Error**


	7. Pushing Buttons

**Summary:**The Death Note cast takes a trip to everyone's favorite retail store, random crack ensues. Based off of a (very)random roleplay. :3  
** This Chapter:** L takes a trip to the candy aisle, too bad not everything there is going sugary sweet.

**Rating:** Rated T for mild to strong language, suggestive situations+shounen-ai, and general crack.

**A/N: **Yes it is long, and sorry I couldn't fit Matsuda in. Maybe next chapter? Oh well, enjoy the crack! Love to Rai-Tan who was kind enough to beta this chapter for me:3

**Disclaimer:** D is for Disclaimer, and also for Death Note, which I don't own. I don't own Wal-Mart either, or -shock- Seven Eleven.

* * *

Seemingly deserted, and totally bored, L idly rolled the wheel of his right Heely back and forth across the glossy surface of the linoleum floor. Light had done a good job of cleaning it for only having a few Wet Ones to work with. Speaking of Light, L had suspected that the other boy must've found something distracting enough to divert his attention from the forgotten friend who was still there waiting for him in the Office Supplies aisle. Yes, something distracting, or maybe he had finally accepted his pen addiction? In that case he might be at the front of the store browsing self-help books and what-not. Which wouldn't be an entirely bad thing, if that were the case then L wouldn't mind being left alone so much. But the more he thought about it, the more illogical it was that Light was doing anything to help himself since he preferred to try and fix everyone else. 

_Hmm, Kira is self-righteous, suspicion has risen another nine percent. _

Kira suspicion aside, L was beginning to wonder if maybe Light wasn't going to come back after all, and he wasn't the type to waste time waiting for someone who was probably off dominating the retail world and such. The detective rolled his tongue along the side of his mouth as he thought; the taste of ink was doing an unmerciful number on his taste buds. Sweets, that's what he needed. A nice slice of strawberry shortcake, heck, right now he'd even go for a Ding Dong or some generic brand of cupcake that has been thoroughly shot up with preservatives and unpronounceable chemicals. Anything would be better than the bitter taste of false advertising (If it says _strawberry flavored_, it should taste like _strawberries_!) that was attacking his most sacred sense. Come to think of it, he hadn't had anything sugary for at least half an hour

_Well this just won't do. I mustn't let my reasoning skills be_ _detrimented_ _because I am busy not being busy. Light is smart, he will find me…_

Satisfied with his decision, L promptly loosed himself from his sulky state and rolled over to the candy aisle.

--------

Mello stumbled gracefully over his own combat boots. _Again_

_For gods-sake!_

Matt was acting entirely too nonchalant about showing a skirt-clad Mello to the candy aisle, and it was beginning to piss Mello off. Unfortunately all he could do was follow, curse, and trip repeatedly getting used to maneuvering in the rocker style denim. Several times he had to remind his brain to send signals to his arms telling them to keep his fists to himself; at this point Matt was his only ticket to chocolate. Of course he could beat the crap out of the red head and take his wallet and car keys. Well maybe not, Matt was probably stronger than him anyway if by a long shot the gamer decided to exert enough energy to fight back, and that plan could prove to be somewhat difficult in his current clothing, and also his vulnerable chocolate-deprived state. He'd already devoured the German chocolate from before, there was none at home, he had no wallet, and Wal-Mart had a candy aisle. So if he pretended to be indifferent about his current situation he could get away with spending all of his friend's money on tons of worthless, but delicious calories. And he could also count on make the gamer's life a living hell for the next several months once they got back to his or, their apartment.

Said red head actually wasn't paying much attention to the irritable blonde anyway, which just fueled the anger Mello was trying to brush off. Matt was too preoccupied with rambling about his new video game. Now Mello didn't know much about video games, so he didn't know that in the world of gamers there is a little thing called a "girlfriend button". Said button is the codeword for whichever button on the controller is used to pause the game. A true gamer only pauses when his girlfriend is rambling about something for which you have to pay at least a little attention to, otherwise five minutes later when she asks your opinion you don't know what to say because you were too busy pwning Gannondorfs arse.

Unfortunately Matt never actually got a chance to use this button because it was either 'pay attention to me now' or several rounds shot through his Xbox. If Mello knew that this amazing button existed, then he would now be mentally slamming Matt's mouth's "girl friend button" because what he'd really like to say right now is that no one cares about unlocking some kind of secret something-whatchama-call-it bullcrap to defeat the zombies(yes it was zombies, Matt had to clarify that to him, repeatedly). Mello seriously wondered sometimes if his poor pathetic videogame-whore was a technosexual. But not often, he had more important things to think about other than the sexual attractions of a geek to its electronics. Like chocolate for instance. Oh yeah, and what kind of torture he would bestow upon the red head once he was comfortably back in his own clothing.

Amazingly enough the god of the "girlfriend button" must have been smiling down upon blonde mini-skirt wearing boys that day, because Matt had miraculously stopped rambling. Well, he'd actually stopped completely, 'causing Mello to ever so gracefully walk straight into his back. The impact caused Matt stumbled forward with an equal amount of poise.

"What the hell, why did you stop?!" Mello gritted his teeth, first the stupid boy rambles for twenty minutes straight...Well maybe ten minutes…Okay so they hadn't even been walking for five minutes but Mello was still chocolateless and if he didn't get some soon he was going to resort to the previously stated plan B.

Matt turned to face the agitated blonde. Crossing his arms over his chest, his lips curled into a grin as he jerked his head to the left twice in a subtle manner toward a clothed table full of miniature paper plates.

"Free samples." He said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

The chocolate deficient boy threw his fist at the bemused gamer, but Matt easily caught it, and twisted the clenched hand until he was holding it fast at Mello's side.

"You really must need chocolate, you are painfully slow today." Matt teased, still grinning.

Mello scowled; leaning in toward Matt's face he made a snapping motion with his jaw, the sound of his teeth hitting together made a loud clicking sound.

"Bite me." He spat.

Matt laughed, not quite the reaction the blonde was going for but it was sort of hard to be taken seriously when one was working a frilled out corset.

"Maybe later." Matt stuck his tongue out childishly and winked.

"But now we are getting free samples!"

"You're a fucking moron!" Mello's insult had no effect, Matt was already dragging him over to the small table by the clenched fist he'd never actually let go of. The red head grabbed a plate off the stained table cloth and handed it to Mello, then picked up another for himself.

"C'mon, I know you like french fries." Matt coaxed.

The blonde had half a mind to throw the greasy fast food at the grinning idiots face, but that wouldn't get him any closer to the candy aisle.

"If I eat a damn french fry will you shut up long enough to buy me chocolate so we can leave?" The fries seemed to be growing colder under Mello's icy glare.

"Yes, and I will even promise to stop pestering you for a month." Which wasn't very convincing since Matt never cared to keep track of time.

Mello rolled his eyes at the childish remark and reluctantly took a bite of the free food.

"These fries are disgusting!" He grimaced and spat at the floor.

"Really?" Matt said taking a bite, he let the flavor rest on his taste buds a few seconds before deciding. "No, these fries are delicious."

The annoyed blonde took a french fry off Matt's plate and tried it. Making an even more distorted face than before he spat once again. "These fries are disgusting too!"

Matt did the same as Mello, grabbing a fry off the other's plate he popped it into his mouth and began to chew. "No, they taste exactly the same!" he said still chewing. "These fries are _delicious_."

"Those fries are disgusting!" Mello argued.

"No, these fries are delicious!"

"Well these fries are _disgusting_!"

"Wrong, those fries are _delicious_!"

Matt decided to come in for the win, doing what any experienced arguer (Or seven-year-old) would do. Say the opposite to throw your opponent off.

"Well my fries are _disgusting_!" Matt said.

"No, your fries are _delicious_!" Replied Mello.

The argument stopped there with Mello turning a frighteningly blunt pink. Matt was satisfied to have officially gotten back at the blonde, and decided it was safe now to give the poor addict his chocolate.

"I fucking hate you…" Mello hissed.

"Aww, such strong emotions!" Matt teased; he threw the two plates into a garbage can sitting by the table and finally led his poor embarrassed and abused friend to the candy aisle.

--------

Matt strode into the candy aisle with an angry Mello at his heels. It was amazing the lengths one would go to in order to satisfy an addiction. But finally all of the blonde's shitty day could be drowned out by sugar, cocoa, and god knows how many mind altering endorphins. Too bad dooms day wasn't over yet. When Mello saw who else was patronizing the aisle he would have gone through everything again up to this point ten times repeatedly if he could just disappear right now.

There standing in that exact same aisle inspecting a bag of assorted strawberry-filled chocolates was L.

The red head stopped walking and shouted a greeting, Mello tried to hide behind Matt with minimal success. "Hey L! How's it going?"

"Oh, hello Matt-kun!" L smiled back. "It has been a while since I last saw you…" L saw another set of barren legs behind his gamer-friend's and blinked, a bit confused. "Is that Mello-chan with you? Why is he hiding?"

Matt grinned evily. "I don't know, why are you hiding from L, Mello?" The mischievous gamer stepped aside revealing the petrified blonde figure behind him; he'd been hunched over, as if that would make him somehow less visible.

"Hello Mello-chan! Why were you hiding?" L stared at Mello with his giganticly enormous panda eyes.

"No…I uh…I was…" Very rarely did words ever escape the chocolate addict, but standing point blank in front of your biggest idol while dressed as a twenty dollar whore was enough to leave him marvelously dumb-struck.

L Interrupted his stuttering, smiling in his always pleasant manner. "I like your outfit Mello-chan, it really brings out your eyes."

_Say something…just say anything you moron! _Mello told himself.

"I..uh..Th-thanks…"

_Shoot me… shoot me now…_

Mello began walking uncertainly toward L with Matt close behind, but unfortunately a portion of the floor had been cleaned recently and the 'wet floor' signs had been removed prematurely. His boots slid on a slippery patch causing the blond to slip and fall backwards onto Matt who let out a surprised yelp.

"Ah! Mello got off of me!! You're crushing my Pop Rocks!" Matt wiggled an arm free and pushed against Mello's back.

"Wha-?"Mello quickly rolled off of Matt's lap and sat back on his heels. The red head crossed his legs and reached into his pants pocket extracting a small packet of strawberry flavored Pop Rocks.

The two blinked at each other for a few seconds before bursting out into a fit of laughter as they stood and brushed themselves off. L blinked and cocked his head. "I uh…I don't get it? Why are we laughing?" He had said "we", but he'd meant the two younger boys.

A familiar voice spoke clearly from the end of the aisle to answer L's question. "Let me explain it for you in four words, 'Matt. Is. A. Bastard.' The blonde woman set her shopping basket down and began walking toward the three boys.

"Hal?" Mello gasped.

"Lidner!" Matt hissed.

"Who?" L blinked; maybe it would have been a better idea to just wait for Light.

--------

Normally she wouldn't bother shopping retail, but with the amount of items needing to be replaced it would have been stupid to drive around to each individual specialty store. It had been a relief to finally find everything that was destroyed all in one place anyway. It was hard enough to get ones apartment back in order once it had been massacred by one of nature's most dangerous natural disasters, Hurricane Mello. When she had tried to make any logical sense of the weird chocolate addicts behavior the only conclusion she could ever come to was this; Mello is a kitten. Her own deduction had sounded weird to even herself at first, but the more she thought about it the more it made perfect sense. When one leaves a kitten by itself it gets lonely, so in order to cure its longing for companionship it destroys everything in sight to keep itself amused. And once you finally give it attention, it would much rather claw and bite you to death because it is just way more fun. Oh, and they are pure evil.

But back to her damage control, it had actually taken her quite a bit of time to buy more dishes to take the place of all the ones Mello had broken, the drapes he set on fire when he was bored, the TV set that had been shattered when "Kira's Kingdom" was still running, the washing machine that had pretty much exploded when someone had forgotten to take a foil wrapped chocolate bar out of their pocket before throwing their pants in the laundry, not saying any names. It had been nearly two months since he'd moved out but still Hal would find herself stopping at the candy aisle every time she went shopping.

Which was where she's been headed when something had caught her eye, well not _something _really, but _someone_. It was like one of those movies where one of the characters sees one of the other character's head on everyone else's' body. Except, it was only one person, and it looked eerily like their body. But Hal had shaken her head and shrugged it off when she saw their apparel, which was in fact _not_ leather, and oh yeah, woman's clothing. Well maybe "woman's" was too strong a word since it would signify class and refinement and what the look-a-like happened to be wearing was much to raunchy to fit under that category.

She'd all but mentally slapped herself for even thinking it could have been him, but as the two she had been watching turned the corner she caught a glimpse of the second red-heads face.

_Matt…_

If there had ever been one person in the world she would willingly watch being eaten alive by sharks, it would be him. He was her exact and total opposite, and, unfortunately, Mello's best friend. If she had to describe him in one word it would be this: Multislacker. Definition; One who is very skilled at slacking in multiple ways all at once. But for whatever reason this was the idiot Mello was now staying with and she couldn't help but wonder how her ex-roommate was doing. Hal quietly followed the two until they turned the corner into the candy aisle. She almost turned as well, but decided to stay one aisle over. Hal still wasn't sure whether she wanted to associate with such a moron, that is until she heard an unmistakable voice coming from the next aisle over.

_Mello?!_

Hal quietly turned the corner and was slightly more than shocked and horrified at what she saw.

--------

"Mello what are you wearing?" Hal walked over to stand in front of the shorter blonde, she was surprisingly two inches taller and her stiletto heals added at least an extra inch and a half.

Matt stepped between Hal and her ex-roommate and smiled curtly at the taller woman. "What, you don't like it? I picked it out myself."

Hal narrowed her eyes and shoved passed Matt so she was standing in front of Mello again.

"Why don't you come with me? I will get you some new clothes and some chocolate and you can come back to my place." She said sweetly.

Mello stared at her a minute, he was really staring because he was thoroughly shocke that she was in Wal-Mart, he wasn't ever for one second even contemplating going with her. But apparently Mello's stare had given his red headed friend the wrong impression. Matt was beginning to think his the blonde might actually take her up on that offer.

"He doesn't like you so lay off!" Matt pushed in front of Mello again.

"Hey shut up! I can speak for-" Mello started but faltered mid sentence when L tugged at his arm.

"Mello-chan," he whispered, "I think it is better if you and I wait this one out." L had been, and would always be the one person who Mello would obey, and or the only one who could actually shut him up. The blonde nodded and stood silently next to L. "Plus she sort of scares me, I fear for our physical well-being." L added.

"Listen Barbie, Mello has been my best friend for the passed twelve years and he has known you for what, six months? Stop crushing and get over it already, you are a grown woman for gods-sake." The redhead said curtly.

"_Excuse me?!_ You are the one who needs to grow up! You don't even have a job! Oh, I'm sorry, my mistake. Is robbing Seven-Elevens considered an actual career now-a-days? Oh and I'll have you know I probably know twice as much about him as you do considering you have the attention span of a goldfish on speed." Hal mocked.

"O-_hu-_ho!" Matt scowled. "Who lit your tampon on fire?" Matt smirked. "And if you know him so much better than I do, then what's his favorite color?"

Hal laughed dryly, "You think I am so oblivious that I don't even know his favorite color?" She shook her head. "You _really are_ stupid. Oh, and it is Black."

"_Ah!_ The bitch is _wrong_! It's Red." Matt said triumphantly.

"Well actually you are both incorrect, it is Chartreuse." L mused looking at the ceiling and tapping his index finger against his lip.

All eyes turned to the raven haired detective.

"I thought you said we were going to stay out of this?" Mello whispered. "…But still, I can't believe you actually remembered that!"

L shrugged, "Why wouldn't I? Oh, and I think you have the right to stop them now."

Mello grunted. "And it was just starting to get amusing…oh well." There were times when you could get away with angering Mello while receiving little more than a black eye or stitches, but when he was _really_ annoyed don't even bother trying to mess with him. The skies turn dark, all the lights flicker on and off, dogs everywhere howl their warnings to the world while mothers cling tightly to their sobbing children. And you, well you better just forget it, you don't even have time to write a will.

The blonde boy stepped between his two feuding friends, and turned first to face Hal. "You….well you are just plain creeping me out, and your voice is like a million tiny daggers lodging themselves in my eardrums and twisting inside my head until all the blood has poured out of my brain through my ears. And you-" He spun around to glare at Matt. "You are acting like a possessive bitch, I will talk to who I want, when I want to and I expect you to shut the hell up and do as you are told. Now you are going to grab 4 cases of those chocolate bars behind L and take me the fuck home, _now_!"

L grinned, Hal gaped, and Matt obeyed, pulling the four cases off the shelf he silently followed the fuming chocolate addict who was stomping out of the candy aisle as fast as his denim skirt would allow.

"See you Matt-kun, Mello-chan!" L called after them cheerily.

Hal was still standing dumbstruck where Mello had left her. L poked the arm of her expensive suit with his bony index finger and smiled kindly. "This might be an odd question, but do you like kittens?"

The tall woman remained silent.

"I guess not..." L said after receiving no response.

Hal finally collected enough of herself to answer, "Why do you ask?"

"I'm just trying to make conversation." L shrugged, "Do you like cake?"

* * *

Heehee...I've always wondered what would happen if Hal and Matt ever met. I like to think it would be Ex-Roommate Vs Current Roommate, and since they both seem like rather possessive people(Like as in touch my stuff and I will shove a chainsaw down your throat)...It just makes me giggle. XD Sorry Near is still MIA, he will come back before the end, I promise. ; ) And yey for kittens! S2 

**Fatal Error**


End file.
